I have been super tired. Don’t know exactly why but over this month of May I just feel super exhausted and I don’t feel like doing a lot of things. Which is kind of weird because the month of May is my birth month and my birthday was on May 23rd. So how come I don’t feel as enthusiastic?
One explanation I thought was because of the weather. I remember little to no good weather in this month of May. The weather sucked. It rained the whole month, if not, it was cloudy. I like the rain, which is why I don’t get why I’m so upset of the weather, was it because of the cloudy days? That is what’s weird about this month. When it’s raining outside and cloudy I feel a bit comfort in me. I was more comfortable staying home and just relax a bit. But also I was not comfortable at all. Over a while, say this weekend for example, I get these waves of boredom and the urge to work. I couldn’t resist it, I didn’t want to. I wanted to work, I wanted to type up my essay, I wanted to work on my script for the my movie, I wanted to do all these things but my body is just dead. I mean I’ve never been this tired before. This morning I woke up around 9, I always wanted to wake up around at least 8 or 7:40 but it never happened, I got up, listened to music for a while, did nothing, ate breakfast, and somehow I managed to get back to sleeping, and I slept till 12. I’ve never done that before, I’ve never been this tired. After I woke up I started doing my homework right away.. yeah right. I did turn on my computer to check my emails and all, pulled up google classroom, pulled out homework sheets, but I just couldn’t start. My mind was too distracted by something. Could it have been my script? Maybe, I did that all day. Thinking about the shots in my head, the characters, the lines.
Then I heard the news. It wasn’t anything new.. another attack. This one was in Portland I think. It was this one guy started shouting racist comments against two Muslim girls waiting at the train station. Then couple other guys stepped in defending the girls, but all of a sudden the man pulled out a knife and stabbed and cut all three of the people defending the girls. Two died.. one barely survived. One of the men who died was a veteran from the army, who fought for this country… The other one was super young, I heard he was just about to begin his life. Is this the world we’re living in right now? I can’t get my head around this, what kind of messed up, fucked up person would ever do something like that. He killed a man that gave his life for this country, he killed a man that protected him. I can’t get my head around that. The worst part is, if the guys just let the man insult the girls and did nothing, maybe just talk to them afterwards, maybe that would’ve been better. That would have been a better outcome instead of two of them dead. That is NOT the world I see my children in the future living in, nope, I’m going to try my best to change that. In the meantime, all I can do now is give my heart to those that helped others.