What could I say, it’s been a tough couple of days over this spring break. Actually all of this break. On Friday night, the second day of the break, I began throwing up every 5 mins. I did that for the whole night, got little to no sleep. My body felt numb and I felt all my energy going down the drain. I’m pretty sure it was food poisoning or a stomach virus or something, the point is, I’m not going back to eat in Panera for a while. Even thinking about that Frontega Chicken makes me want to throw up. Oh well, my whole break was ruined. I blame myself sometimes because why couldn’t have I just push through the pain and worked on stuff but I really felt tapped out and I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I also couldn’t eat anything, and still can’t by the time I wrote this blog. Every time I eat my stomach kills and adds another bathroom visit. I’ve been only eating congee, crackers, and toast. In the end, there’s actually nothing that could be said to back up why I decided not to do anything. If I decided to get something done, I could have.
But I didn’t.
I’m not fond of my progress this year, on a creative level and educational level. I wish I could’ve done much more work on new projects and even make some old ones better, or simply continue those that I started. It has been a struggle for me to accomplish any creative works and it feels simply like having a dead brain. It really sucks. I say to myself that it’s because it’s junior year for me and everything is supposed to be tough. With the grades, SATs, colleges application soon, everything piles up and makes it really hard for the student. I tell myself that.
But that’s not the problem.
I hope that this break can work as a restart button, or that I’ve gotten enough rest from it that I can start pushing myself again. I know the problem for me is time management. I always think that I don’t have the time or that I’d run out of time but that’s not true. Everybody has equal amounts of time but it’s up to the individuals to organize it. I have a friend, Vika for example, I wish to somehow work like her, she gets her stuff done but at the same time, I know that she’s a great student. I need to have the courage to say no to the things that’d distract me from what I have to do and I need to work on that. Damn you, Apple. I love you but I want to become someone that I’m able to become in the future, or right now, so I have to let you go for a bit.