City never woken

A city that never wakes. I thought this was a pretty cool description of my trip back to my hometown in Guizhou. Long story short, the place is really polluted. You could tell the difference by just breathing in the air, it just feels dirty compared to air here in NY. I never saw sun when I was there, only clouds, or smog. The sky is constant dirty white and it never feels like a bright day. In the morning there wasn’t really any change in the sky till completely dark, it just gets light in the day and dark at night, no sunsets or sunrises or anything. Like I said in my last blog, this whole trip felt more of a farewell than a nice to see you, it really does this time.

The hometown has really changed, just like my home in Guangzhou. Now, there are tall skyscrapers everywhere, they’re building a million mansions everywhere and it’s not what my hometown used to be anymore. The lake that I always played at is now so polluted, no one wants to touch the water, a matter of fact the water level has gone down by a lot. Whoever handles all the buildings around the area seems to not give any thought whatsoever about the environment and just want to keep trashing in houses after houses. Seems like they just want to make money, that’s all they care about now. Money, money, money. I have to say that my hometown has been ruined for me. Some may argue that a developing city has to go through a process like this and yes I agree but I don’t think in my lifetime they’re going to get their stuff straight.

The only thing that didn’t really change was my mom’s side’s family. Also the house. I love that house we have. I think it fits into the poverty class but the house is just something special and the family and people make the area feel not poor at all. It was so nice seeing everybody again, my uncles, my aunt, my cousins, my little sister. Now that I think about it, in China, I’m already an uncle. Damn. Time really doesn’t wait.

My grandma, oh how wonderful she is, I love my grandma. She always has this smile that just brightens up your day. She’s one of, if not, the strongest person I know. She raised my mom and around 5 to 6 kids back when China was going through cultural revolution. How hard that must’ve been. Now my grandma is 83 and she is still running around and working. Doesn’t seem like an 83-year-old at all. Our house has no heat so she’d always burn coal in this table in the living room to keep us warm. It’s a square table and there’s fire in the middle of it, you put coal in it and cover the top and just let it cook. It keeps you warm, also food when we put it on the table. My grandma still cooks and boy does she make the best food. She can take something so simple like chicken soup and noodles but somehow make it into an exotic dish. I’m gonna miss her cooking so much. Now that I think about it, I’m scared. I mean it’s scary to think that this time might’ve been the last time I would see my grandma. I mean I wouldn’t go back for another couple of years and my grandma is getting older too. I try not to think about it but no matter what the thought just keeps finding its way to get to me. But no matter what I’d still miss her so much, she’s such a lovely woman. She takes care of everybody and even more. Her love is unconditional. When we were leaving the place she wouldn’t talk, because she was upset, really upset but she wouldn’t show it to any of us. Her eyes have tears in them but she doesn’t let it drop. She wanted us to stay… but she knew that her kids would have a better life somewhere else and nothing she could do would stop them from going away, though she knew. I felt like a jerk by not tearing up, I really wish the time I had with her was longer, it was all too short.

There’s still so much to talk about. My uncles, aunts, the dogs, I don’t know if I can fit it into one blog. My fifth uncle, he’s just a delight. All about kindness, love, and easygoing he’s just the person you want to hang around. He even raises pigeons on the top of his roof and sends them off for competitions and stuff, he’s got about 8 to 10 trophies. My aunt who’s married to my fifth uncle is just another wonderful person. She’s also an amazing cook, no one that can beat her. My fourth uncle and aunt are a little bit more serious. They work for the government so duh. I feel that my fourth uncle sort of looks down on me because I want to be an actor and I don’t think he believes in that, or believes that I can make a good life out of it. I mean I don’t disagree with him but I’d love to prove him wrong. Either way, he’s still a nice guy and he’s still my family.

There’re just so many things that I can’t really say it in words. I wish somehow I could just show my memories and every bit of those feelings and emotions. The time I spent in that house and my family there, they’re the brightest thing I could see in that city which never wakes up.

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