On my own

It is now the Sunday ¬†of April 30 2017, a day after my last class at the NYFA. I really don’t know how I feel about that was my last class. I always feels this way, whenever something ended or I stopped something I have this concern in my mind. It bothers me but kind of don’t at the same time. I never get this feeling until it actually happened, like when it’s actually the last acting class for me, then I start to think a lot. I loved my acting class, every single one, I guess I just loved how I can get into the city and doing something productive and fun and challenging and able to communicate with different people every Saturday, when as before I would just stay home and try to do my homework. I don’t know exactly why, but I just love it. If you ask me for an exact reason why, I can’t give you one. This was the second workshop I’ve done at NYFA, both were 12 ¬†weekends Saturday 2 to 6 pm. It’s always my dream to become an actor and I know it’s super super hard to get to the point where you can make a living out of acting alone. It scares me so much but yet excites me and the more scared I get I feel the more fun I’m having. Taking on this huge challenge that not everyone wants to. I guess I love how every Saturday I get to go to NYFA and be involved with the things I love to do and the people that share the same interest. Every single week there’s something I’m looking forward to. When Saturday comes around I’m not even caring about all the stress I’m having and all the work I need to make up from school. I just go and do my best. How do you be good at something? I’ve always heard that you have to do more of it, that simple. Keep doing it. I can see how much I’ve grown from the beginning of 10th grade when I actually started to learn about acting to now. And I guess I love how much I’ve improved and also knowing that the knowledge I’ve got is actually NOTHING compared to “good”. I love that. It discourage me sometimes but I love that feeling, every time I just want to get back and do it more. That’s how the acting classes have helped me overtime. It taught me a lot. I’ve had classmates that are in off-Broadway shows and some in commercials, one even been in a TV show “Victor Ross”, and who knows what some are doing, probably getting an agent and starting their career already. I feel scared when I meet these people and sometimes I really want to say “can you slow down for me? I want to be with you” but who’s ever going to do that? I love that. I love seeing what kind of person I really am, if I’m going to do things and catch up with the person or if I’m just going to watch them.

I’m not going to take acting classes forever. It has to end. Now that maybe it has ended, not sure if I’m going back for summer, I’m starting to get scared again. Now every Saturday I have to find things I can do to stay productive, find things I can do to involve myself with the acting world. I’ll have to start going to find auditions, keep working and working. When I find slides or monologues I’ll have to break them down myself, I’ll have to do some exercises myself without friends or teachers there to help me, or at least not every Saturday. It’s all up to me whether if I want to catch up to my friends and surpass them or if I just want to be a boy that dreams all day without actually doing anything. I just saw the movie La La Land last night and I really enjoy it. I think the reason why I enjoyed it a lot was not only I like the music but the challenges the characters had to go through, interesting things, interesting people, all parts of it. Now that I think of it that’s what I love the most, the compromise, the people, the challenge, the disappointments, the feelings, the works, the fun, the acting.

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